¿Como Estás?

Posted by Sherry , Sunday, February 21, 2010 Sunday, February 21, 2010

How many blog followers do you need before you are considered 'famous?' Because I gotta tell ya, when I logged on yesterday morning and saw that my wee little blog had over 20 followers (thank you Catherine!) I felt about as close to Madonna as I ever have. Pretty soon I'll be on my way to MY “Desperately Seeking Susan." For the record, paparazzi are welcome!

I don't think I realized just how large (no pun intended) the Band community was. So many of you have offered me supportive words and good advice and I haven't even gone under the knife yet. I barely know you, dear readers, and I already don't want to let you down! Imagine the pressure and and guilt you'll be able to inflict upon me 6 months from now! Every day will be like Sunday dinner at mom's house!

Last night Husband (H), Daughter (D) and I went out for dinner. I always look forward to Saturday night dinners because most weeks, that is usually the one meal a week I am guaranteed to eat out of the house (both H and I love to cook so we eat most meals at home).

Since D turned about 9 months old, dinner out is typically at a local Mexican joint where the margaritas are strong, the extra sour cream is free, the food comes fast and furious and the waiters stop by enough times to tickle D and say “ohh, niña bonita” that H and I don't have to spend our entire meal doing the monkey dance to keep her entertained.

Last night however, I felt a little “triste” while eating my carnitas tacos. I kept thinking about all the things I was going to miss – the chips and salsa, the warm flour tortillas, the cheese enchiladas that, I swear, must contain some kind of illicit drug they are so addictive.

The next thing I know I'm falling quickly into what H calls a “crazy spiral” thinking about all the things I will be LOSING, by getting The Band instead of what I'll be GAINING.

Its hard to see the big picture when you have guacamole with big avacado chunks sitting at your table – not to mention the staff singing Feliz Cumplea᷈ños to a 75 year old man with a sombrero on at the table next to you.

So, even though you all barely know me and you are under no obligation to spend your time answering questions that may seem silly to you or even worse, may make you HUNGRY – I was wondering if you could take some time to share with me some of the things you CAN and DO eat that you find yummy and wonderful?

Truly, there is only one thing on the planet that I am not fond of and it is mayonnaise. Honestly, even writing the word down kind of signals my gag reflex so tuna salad, egg salad, deviled eggs and other mayonnaise-y friends need not apply. Besides that, the food world is my oysters Rockefeller.

Thank you in advance and keep the words of wisdom coming. You guys are awesome.

Have Mercy

Posted by Sherry , Thursday, February 18, 2010 Thursday, February 18, 2010

I've got a date! March 19th. On March 19th I will be officially “Banded.”

I'm excited. I'm scared. I feel a little nauseous when I think about it. I feel a little lightheaded.

I know, I KNOW I am making the right decision. I need help. I have been on diets since I was 10 years old. I have no real memories of living my day not thinking about how fat I am. How much I need to lose weight. I'm tired of these thoughts taking up space in my brain. I want to think about other things.

Who knows? Maybe if I wasn't so ultra-consumed with my weight and my pant size I would be coming up with new ways to split the atom. Or solving the middle-east crisis. Or creating new reusable energy. Or at a minimum, FINALLY sitting down and starting that scrap book about Arundel High Senior Week!

Think about all the scrap books I could have created? All the cute little puns written in Comic Sans font? The little flip flop doo dads and polka-dotted ribbon edging? I mean, what a waste.

Seriously though, HOW MUCH of my life has been devoted to berating myself? I'm tired of it. I'm tired looking in the mirror and not liking what I see.

A lot of people decide on weight loss surgery (WLS) because it is a matter of life and death. They have bad knees, diabetes, sleep apnea, trouble walking, etc. I don't really have any of those things (other than slight sleep apnea that I recently discovered after doing a sleep study to get insurance approval for my band). I exercise, I eat fairly well, I don't have bad knees, I can fit in an airplane/movie/restaurant seat.

I'm just sick of being fat. I'm sick of looking longingly at clothes I can't wear, sick of feeling envious of thin friends, sick of feeling guilt every time I put a morsel of anything in my mouth. I want something different.

I was asked during my psychological assessment to explain, in detail, “why” I wanted The Band. I answered honestly: I have a great life. An amazing husband, a beautiful child, a house we built that is almost paid off, a supportive family, close friends. I left a great job where I was uber successful so I could be a stay at home mom. It was my choice and its a luxury we can afford. In essence, my life is ideal --- except for my weight.

I know that life won't be PERFECT just because I lose 80 unwanted pounds. My child will still throw tantrums, my dog will still crap on the floor, I'll still have trouble finding time to wash my hair and my husband and I will still argue about whether the moon landing was real (I'll let you guess which one of us thinks it was a giant conspiracy).

But here is what I won't have to do – get up in the morning, see my self in the mirror and berate myself for what I see. I won't have to scour my closet looking for the outfit that makes me look 'thinnest'. I won't have to feel guilt every time I eat something that isn't broccoli. I won't have to feel that nasty shameful emotion of jealousy when I look at my thin friends who wear designer jeans. I won't have to worry that I'm setting a bad example for my daughter.

These are, obviously, not things the insurance company or the surgeon takes into consideration when deciding to approve or deny me. But they should.

Catherine, a Band Blogger I have been following and admire greatly, recently posted something about 'fairness' and how having The Band seems, to some people, like an unfair advantage. Obviously, like Catherine, I don't think getting The Band or any WLS is 'unfair' or 'cheating' in any way.

I think its throwing someone a life raft. I think its giving someone another chance. I think its giving someone a lighter instead of two sticks to rub together. I think its mercy.