What Color Does This Taste Like?
Posted by Sherry , Wednesday, May 26, 2010 Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Why does pink icing always taste so deliciously, well, pink?
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Go To Your Room And Think About What You've Done!
Posted by Sherry , Saturday, May 22, 2010 Saturday, May 22, 2010
Being a mommy hurts sometimes. Yesterday was one of those 'painful mommy' days for me. Unfortunately, I was fresh out of vodka so had to deal directly with the pain instead of numbing it the way God intended.
There was some crying and A LOT of whining and even a full on 'time out.'
So while I was sitting there, facing the corner until I could learn to behave, I tried to use the time productively and find some blogging inspiration.
But honestly? I'm just not feeling all that inspired lately.
As you will note from my previous post, I am feeling no restriction. And chances are you've heard me screaming at the top of my lungs that my willpower is on its last leg. So when my darling, no-napping daughter began her umpteenth tantrum of the day I found myself wanting to dull the ache in my head with food. Do they make birthday cake flavored Excedrin?
Anyway, I started thinking about Greek food. Steak kabobs with cucumber sauce. Feta cheese. Paprika sprinkled hummus drizzled with olive oil. I can honestly say that one of the things that kept me from going through the roof yesterday was that tzatziki dipped carrot dangling at the end of my rope.
So I did it. I had the Greek food. A lot of it. I was so full and bloated with sodium my ring finger looked like a platinum banded sausage. And, well, It.Felt.Good. SO GOOD.
To be perfectly honest, until I really started thinking about it an hour or two ago, I didn't feel anything but pure happiness about my Greek food-filled evening.
Of course now, when I'm sensing that the 2 pound loss I had for the week (yeah! Two whole pounds!) was probably sabotaged, I'm feeling a little guilty. And depressed. And annoyed.
But honestly, I just don't have it in me this weekend to sit back an analyze my Friday actions. I just don't want to. Is that so bad? I don't WANT to examine it. I don't WANT to work at resisting temptation. I don't WANT to examine my relationship with food this week. I don't WANT to change my comfort mechanism.
I guess I'm just channeling my inner petulant toddler.
The catalyst of my Greek food binge:
Looks pretty menacing, doesn't she?
Universe? Please Stop Making Me Cry.
Posted by Sherry , Thursday, May 20, 2010 Thursday, May 20, 2010
I'm feeling really frustrated. I don't even think I can be interesting or creative with this post because I'm so consumed by frustration. I'm in Frustrationville and on my way to Pathetictown.
Went in for another fill today. Was given .75cc. That means I'm up to 2.75 cc in a 10cc band. And guess what? I feel NOTHING. It's as if I have no band in me whatsoever. I may as well sit down at the Heifer Corral and stuff my face full of $2.99 ribeye with a side of fatness. And cornbread.
I NEED RESTRICTION. Hear that universe? I NEED RESTRICTION.
Leona is failing me miserably. I'm cursing the ground she sits under and her little-millionaire-dog too.
I'm lucky if I lose 1 pound a week! WTF?!
The kicker? I'm working my flat, bumpy ASS OFF. I am boot-camping it Demi Moore style with my trainer. I'm walking like a fiend (think 45 minutes a day) and while I'm probably not the poster child for eating band friendly, I'm doing all the 'right' things. Protein first, not drinking with meals, taking my vitamins. But I AM HUNGRY. I can't seem to get enough food in me. A cup of food at a meal? That's a cruel joke right now. Try twice that amount and still walking away from the table hungry.
I feel like a split personality. Oliver on one side: “Please sir? May I have some more? Sherry's willpower on the other: “More?! You want MORE?! Ehh, fine. Go ahead.”
The ironic thing is that I am STILL eating eons less than I was pre-band. But again, it is all personal willpower. And those last little threads of willpower are starting to shred and taper faster than my split ends.
Why isn't this working for me? I'm starting to spiral into crazy-town. I'm thinking that I indeed am the one person on the planet for whom the band does not work, even when the user is working it.
And ONE STINKING POUND A WEEK?! Seriously, has anyone else done worse than this for being 9 weeks post-surgery? I doubt it. I have come to accept that I am a “slow loser” but this is ridiculous. I mean, what else can I do? Really? I am at a loss.
I read blogs where bandsters are munching on cookies and candy bars. Where they don't even look at a gym, much less go to one, and yet they are losing 2 pounds a week and feel like its 'not enough'.
Re-reading this post I see I have begun the metamorphosis from 'frustrated' and 'pitiful' to 'angry' and 'insane'. And frankly, I don't even want to reel it in! I want to kick someone's ass! Harder than I'm kicking my own!
Ugh. I feel like crying. I seriously feel like crying.
The BMI Project
Posted by Sherry , Tuesday, May 18, 2010 Tuesday, May 18, 2010
A friend of mine posted this link on her facebook page today: http://theshapeofamother.com/save-our-daughters/
I've really been enjoying the links and information I've found through the site. I won't go into all the gory details but it should not be surprising to those of you who have daughters (or even those of you who are daughters!) that one of the driving forces behind me getting the Lap-Band is my desire to be healthy and set a good example for my daughter. Not just in how I look, but also in how I think of myself, how I judge myself and how I judge others.
One of the links I found on this site was to the "BMI Project". It is essentially just a slideshow of photos of different women of all shapes and sizes and how they fall into the BMI scale.
Now, I understand that so many of us have personal goals to be in the 'normal' range of the BMI chart. I admit that I have one for myself. Just today my trainer asked me about my goal weight and after telling him the number, I followed it with "because that would put me right in the middle of the 'normal' BMI range for my height."
Its immensely difficult for us to put aside all of our previous notions of what a 'normal' body should weigh and/or look like. I'm not suggesting that we'll all be able to just ignore the BMI charts in our weight loss journeys or not take them into consideration when deciding on whether or not we are at our 'goal' weights.
I'm just asking you (as I'm asking me) to take some time to check out this BMI Project site and take what you see into consideration when setting those goals and more importantly, when you find you are 'judging' yourself.
My Maiden Vlog
Posted by Sherry , Friday, May 14, 2010 Friday, May 14, 2010
Break out the champagne...its my maiden vlog voyage.
I apologize in advance because: It.Is.Long. I promise I'll never vlog this long again. Its just hard for me to restrain myself because I love listening to myself talk.
Also, do you like the 'hair flips'? Should I do more of them next time or just end with my Queen of England wave (long, long, short short)?
How He Makes Me Feel
Posted by Sherry , Tuesday, May 11, 2010 Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The bastard!
He is REALLY pushing me to my limit. Its like he doesn't even care how much he hurts me!
I have his undivided attention for about 30 minutes at a time but during that time he isn't really listening to me, just giving me orders or acting like what I say doesn't matter.
And when I really feel like I can't take anymore, he bats his long lashes at me and expects me to just bend over and do whatever he asks. And because I'm weak, and never feel like I know what I'm doing anyway, I just do it.
Today he made me do things that I felt stupid doing. Things that, if you were just kind of glancing at us, would look dirty and WRONG. But I do them, and I keep coming back for more. Its almost shameful.
Somewhere in me, I know that all of this will resolve itself. I'll get stronger, more confident and not feel so pushed to my limits. I won't cry or ache. I'll walk away from him feeling powerful instead of just feeling like I was hit by a mack truck. A mack truck full of cement.
Its all just a matter of time, I suppose. In the meantime, I'll take whatever he dishes out. I'll lap it up. I'll push through.
After all, he knows what's best. He's my trainer.
Got A Fill. So What?
Posted by Sherry , Sunday, May 9, 2010 Sunday, May 09, 2010
I had my first fill on Friday.
After a few questions about what I was able to eat comfortably -- Pasta? Check! Rice? Check! Bread? Check! Pint of Ben & Jerry's? Double check!---I was given 3cc's of fluid and then taken into the x-ray room where she had me do a barium swallow. The P.A. thought I looked a little 'tight' as she watched the barium go down and so took out 1 cc (for those of you 'mathematically challenged', that means I now have 2 cc's in my 10 cc band). My office protocol post-fill is two days of liquids and 2 days of soft foods and then onto solid foods.
I left the office feeling pretty good and since I hadn't eaten anything yet, went to Starbucks for my Skinny, sugar-free, vanilla latte. Yum!
By early afternoon I was feeling pretty hungry so decided to have some Greek yogurt. That went down pretty well and the tummy was still growling so I had some milk. Yep. Still hungry. And noticing that all of this is going down not just well, but feels like its just rolling right through that little pouch. Now, I think we've established that my willpower is pretty non-existent, hence my lap-band surgery, so it should be no surprise to you that when Husband pulled out the pulled pork, I dove in face first.
And it too went down without a hitch.
Now, I won't bore you with too many other details but let's take a quick peek at what else made it into my gaping maw this weekend:
Tortellini in tomato cream sauce, focaccica bread, baked, dry chicken breast, a crossiant, a large white chocolate cinnamon chip scone (the latter two from an awesome French bakery in town and served to me in bed this morning).
Now, should someone with 'restriction' be able to eat these things? Quickly? Without even feeling a teeny tiny bit of tightness? I think not.
So I penned an email to the P.A. begging to get an appointment this week and feel some of this elusive restriction. PLEASE.
Urgh. This is all so frustrating. When will this band stop teasing me and start working? When will I be able to share the burden of this weight loss with Leona? Because right now, its ALL ME. And I'm just not that reliable.
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