There's A Fire In The Rabbit Hole

Posted by Sherry , Sunday, August 8, 2010 Sunday, August 08, 2010

Reading blogs can be very much like entering the “rabbit hole”. You're sitting there, reading a blog you read every week and the blogger mentions another blog that inspired their post. So you click on that link and read the post that inspired them. The next thing you know you've taken the elixir, you're seeing giant bunnies and you're wishing you could go back to the days of telegraphs and morse code. The days when knowledge wasn't necessarily power, it was just a pain in the butt and all you had to gossip about was that time Cousin Mae was caught in the barn with the boy who picks peaches.

At least, this is what happens to me. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

In any case, today I saw a giant bunny. It started off kind of small, just hopping around looking cute and fluffy – it appeared when I read this post by Dinnerland (she's pretty freakin' brilliant by the by so you should FOLLOW HER).

Naturally, I had to click on her link to Allan's blog at Almost Gastric Bypass and that is when the bunny suddenly became one of those gigantic jackrabbits that you really only see in Arizona and when you see them you're pretty sure it was a baby deer and not an animal that has a cute, pink, twitchy nose.

At this point I'd downed tequila-type shots of the elixir and figured that I had nothing to lose by going whole hog and just diving straight into the rabbit hole, head first – so I read Dr. Fatty's blog.

And that is when the 6 foot tall, buck-toothed, horror-film style bunny jumped out from behind the bushes and just SWALLOWED ME WHOLE. Seriously, I was bunny food.

So. By now you've probably read these particular posts. If not, go ahead and I'll wait for you.

Ok. You're finished? How did the elixir taste? You're seeing bunnies too?! I KNEW IT!

Where does one begin to address Allan's and Dr. Fatty's respective posts? I've been forewarned in one of Allan's comments on Dr. Fatty's post that anyone who spoke out in disagreement with them would be verbally 'ass-kicked' but I'm not afraid. I've dealt with hostility before. I mean, I HAVE A MOTHER-IN-LAW.

The thing is, I don't even WANT to address each of their comments suggesting that weight loss surgery is an easy way out or that too many lap-band patients abuse their band and should be beating themselves up when they don't follow the doctor's 'rules'.

Dinnerland said it all before me. She said it eloquently and with grace. She did it nicely. I'm not as nice, unfortunately. I'm kinda bitchy when I want to be. I've been known to let the passion take over and turn well-meaning ''discussions' into authoritative speeches. That tends to turn people off. So I'm not going to do it.

Here is what I AM going to say – I agree. I agree with Allan that surgery is not a magic bullet. I'm case in point. I'm doing all the right things (no blizzards for dinner for me Dr. Fatty!) and exercising. That doesn't mean the weight is coming off any faster than it would have if I'd just done Weight Watchers again.

I agree that weight loss doesn't equal happiness. I probably have about the same number of 'happy' moments as I did 27 pounds ago.

And I agree that if every patient who decided to go through weight loss surgery committed to the post-op eating requirements for a month or two and were told that they could never ever stray from the diet after surgery or they would die that yes, many people would opt to NOT get surgery. And guess what? Many of them would STILL DIE! Horrible, but true.

I agree that every thing we put in our mouth is a choice. Maybe a poorly thought out one, but it is a choice.

I agree that to get healthy and thin the only thing in my way is me. I mean, there is not a truer statement.

Here's where I stray from Dr. Fatty and Allan: I believe that WLS allowed me to FINALLY get out of the way of myself.

By getting the Lap-Band I was finally able to focus on losing the weight and not just on being fat. To Dr. Fatty and to Allan, this probably doesn't make much sense but to those of you who have had WLS, I'm guessing it does.

Getting the Lap-Band has allowed me to finally focus on losing the weight. I now know that if I DO follow the 'rules' and work WITH my band, that the weight will come off and stay off. I know that I have a tool that I can use, that I didn't have before, that controls my hunger, controls my portions and thus, allows me to focus on losing the weight and not worry that 6 months from now I won't be able to 'keep it up' which, for me, often led to me saying “well, I can't do it” and giving up entirely.

Maybe Allan's tool is eating perfect foods in perfect portions and never ever going astray. Maybe Dr. Fatty's tool is getting in her 30 minutes of exercise, every day, come hell, high-water or sickness.

Maybe my tool is the Lap Band.

See, none of us can say for sure that our current weight loss attempt isn't in vain. We can't see the future we just do the best we can with what we have. We're all traveling the same road, we're just doing it with different vehicles. Shouldn't we be applauding each others efforts and successes instead of highlighting the flaws?

I think I said it best (of course!) in my first ever blog post pre-surgery: Weight Loss Surgery is like giving someone a lighter instead of two sticks to rub together.

Let's each start our fire the best way we know how.

26 Response to "There's A Fire In The Rabbit Hole"

Drazil Says:

Brilliant post. Written so well as always....great perspective....thanks for writing this.

Sandy Lee Says:

Nice post. I actually blocked Allan when he went on a week's mission to trash Mary about her upcoming Lapband surgery. It was vicious for awhile and I personally didn't like his views. I've heard them for too many years-just eat right or exercise and you will lose and keep of the weight. But no matter what it still doesn't work for everyone. If they can do it without the band, so be it. Even though my mantra is "I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" applies to these two, it doesn't allow trashing someone else. I hope I didn't offend you because I believe what you said is the absolute truth. We have to find our own tool and no one should criticize us for that. Thanks again.

Heather Says:

Awesome post! I also blocked Allan after the Mary rant also.

-Grace- Says:

This post is incredible, Sherry. I love it.

I, for one, cannot effing stand Allen. I'd rather shove rusty nails in my eyes than see his comments on the blogs I read. They always come off to me as harsh for the sake of being harsh. He has no tact. He has no concept of these blogs being a "safe space" for those of us who write them. I have a big, huge problem with this because I feel he has asserted his male privilege in shaming and belittling some of the mostly female bandster bloggers.

As Sandy said, after his week-long mission of trashing Mary he was on my shit list. I couldn't (and still cannot) help but get the vibe that he was jealous that some of us had the option of getting the band. It almost seemed like he knew deep down that his diet would fail yet again, but he had to fight these thoughts by attacking people who were strong enough (IMO) to say "I can't do this alone anymore. I need help." in order to convince himself that his efforts weren't done in vain. Isn't the stat that something like 95% of diets fail? That is precisely why the weight-loss industry is a billion dollar one.

If he knew anything about WLS, he would know that every surgeon works differently and has a different philosophy and approach to the band (RNY the switch, sleeve, etc). My doctor, for example, doesn't want me dieting. Dieting is what got me to 350 lbs in the first place. The point of the band is to allow for moderation. I just want to be normal. As in, I want to be able to eat crap once in a great while just as my skinny friends can. I don't miss feeling out of control when I'd deviate from a diet and say "screw it! I already messed today up!"




Sorry this is long. Wayyy long.

*HUGS* Love this post (and you!)!!

Cindylew Says:

Awesome post Sherry...I concur 100% with everything you said.

Amy Says:

You, my friend, rock. You've said it well. And I'll just add - we'll see who's where in a year or two, and then we'll talk about it again. Although I'm guessing the conversation will be pretty one-sided, if you get my drift... :)

Bonnie Says:

Not sure if you saw my comment on Dinnerland's post, but I also think Allan takes judgemental to a whole...other...level. He has no idea what it is like to live with the band and his comparison of the band to taking a drug for cancer is ridiculous.

Southern Belle Says:

Sherry,

I think this post is awesome. I have avoided the blogs you mentioned this week basically because I didn't want to elevate my blood pressure! The topic of WLS is taking the easy way out is a hot topic for me and I think you handled it with style.

DiZneDiVa Says:

I love your post... I think it's great if Allan can lose his weight by diet and exercise alone but I needed the extra help th band gives me... It is not the easy way out that's for sure but it is nice to have the support and I have continually lost weight since my surgery. Which is wonderful after over 4 months. My decision to get the band was mostly for keeping the weight off because as most of us are... I am an expert at losing weight. So, as for Allan whatever floats his boat is fine for him, as for Dr. Fatty, I worry that she may convince her paitents to not have the surgery that may have helped them get healthy because everyday, I am a little healthier because of my band and my blog. *Maria*-blogger from "This one time at BAND Camp..." Check out my blog at mybigfatbandgeeklife.blogspot.com

Sparkler Says:

I really had to laugh when I read your post as Allen is making waves and ripples all over blog land. I too commented on one of his posts pointing out that he could express his opinions in a less offensive way and saying that perhaps he could allow for others to do things in their own way without it being wrong...he made an entire post of it and definately didn't give any way to my opinions. Oh well, I tried to be reasonable...afterwards I thought comments like mine just play into his hands because he takes nothing away from them and it just perpetuates discussion on these worthless opinions. I'm not slamming Allan, I think he has a lot to offer, but his opinions are somewhat narrow minded and judgemental.

I thought Grace said it so well when she says 'he has no tact and no concept of these blogs being a safe place for those of us who write them'. I wish that was one thing Allan could appreciate, but sadly I doubt he ever could. [:0( Oh, and his harsh critisicm of others plays into the hands of the diet/exercise nazi's out there too who are waaaayy too self-righteous for their own good...they love that sh1t!

Jennifer Says:

Beautiful post Sherry. I too felt like I'd fallen down the rabbit hole last week. Gave me a feeling I didn't like much.

tessierose Says:

Excellent post Sherry!

Camille Says:

Dearest Sherry. I love your style and your wit. You wrote this from inside my head. I have read so many blogs and comments lately that have me just shaking my head in wonder. Let's face it, nobody gets to be a hundred or more pounds overweight without having some issues with food. It's all in how honest you are with yourself that gives you the ability to succeed. I have been reading a lot of denial shrouded in righteous indignation. Great post! You and Van are blogging rockstars!!!

Barbara Says:

Sherry I am late to the game cause I just saw your post on Grace's blog.. but I too wrote about Mr. Asshole. I have to say you made my night.. I never laughed so hard.. about the bunny and buck tooth horror film rabbit.. honestly .. this was the best post I have read in a long long time.

Sparkler Says:

Hi Sherry,

I've nominated you for the versatile blogger award...it looks as though a lot of others would agree that you deserve it! You can pick it up over at my blog, along with the rules of engagement. xx

AtoZ Says:

Hi there! I found you through . . .well, on my blog. I'm so glad I did--especially with this great post.

Dinnerland Says:

I just saw this! Even though I am feeling so sick right now-- this was a definite spirit lifter... you are hilarious and brilliant. Thx for the shout. No wonder I got 20 additional followers in a matter of a few days...

Allan Says:

I feel so misunderstood...I hope all is well, and continued success...

Dr. Fat To Fit Says:

I enjoyed your post and I am so glad you are successful with your band. I don't want anyone to judge me from that one post. I hope you read the follow up on the next day where I clarified my feelings on the band. There's a big difference between my medical opinion on the band and whether I feel it's right for me personally. There is a very real and necessary benefit from WLS for some patients. I recommend it when it's needed, absolutely.

The post I wrote that day was mainly out of frustration regarding people who want a magic pill or easy way out. Obviously you realize that the band is not that. Even the band won't work without using it properly. I deal with patients everyday who think you can get the band and all their problems will be fixed. It's just not that simple. I feel strongly that it's important that people understand that.

You won't see me visiting blogs and criticizing people I don't know or regularly read about choices they are making. We're all just finding our way here. Good Luck and Continued Success.

Lanie Painie Says:

Neither Dr. Fatty or Allan ever said that it was an "easy way out." I read every time they post and I've never heard them say that that was their opinion. Instead, they say that SOME people who get the surgery treat it as an easy way out or magic pill. Allan in paticular has said time and time again, there is still a lot of work that must be done after WLS and if a person is not willing to do the work THEN it is waste, a shame, disrespectful to self and surgeon. The analogy to the cancer medicine is not "ridiculous." It's a very good analogy. If you pay for a tool and then don't use it according to directions, you shouldn't expect it to do all the work for you. We have a chainsaw but the dead trees still remain standing.

I think that people get defensive and emotional and then read between the lines. Allan is as easy target because he uses inflammatory language and does not try to hide his emotions when he's angered. He is constantly misquoted and misjudged. If you read his blog objectively, you'll find that he is often accused of saying things that are completely opposite of what he has said.

I'm not above telling him what I think of some of the things that he says, and there are many more bloggers out there that are way more negative than he is. There are haters everywhere. I don't think Allan is necessarily one of them. I'm not saying he can't be a jerk when he's pissed, but that doesn't mean that everything he says is evil, either.

Just Me Says:

The lap band isn't for me, but I am glad you are doing well with it. One of my good friends has a lap band and she has been doing well with it too. Great blog. I enjoyed it.

writingtowellness Says:

If your doctor doesn't want you dieting - pardon me, but what the hell does he want you doing? Ah, eating in "moderation"; well, in America that means eating somewhere less than 3,000 calories a day...

Glad you are doing well, but your surgeon is full of colonic contents. Sorry, but one must eat healthy with appropriate caloric intake to maintain whatever gains, er losses from WLS.

doomgloom Says:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Just Me Says:

REPOST - many months later, I'm sure that whatever Allan says is absolute BS, Bullying and really nothing but one or two people read anyway.

Stealing Skinny Says:

Hey Sherry, Amen on the fire startin'! Right now I've got a Topamax fire under my ass and it's working. I lamented a few weeks ago how I was on the edge of a cliff and that the HUNGER was going to pull me down.....anyway, I feel rescued by the medicine and updated my blog today. I don't know why some people have to be so judgmental about how some people start their fires. Because YES, a lighter is preferable if you ask me!! :) And I really really hope I can jump on the Lap Band Wagon soon and burn this town down.

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