Posted by Sherry , Tuesday, July 20, 2010 Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I was an English major in college. No, not the useful, lucrative side of the major such as journalism. And no, not the ambitious, self-loathing-alcoholism-inducing-but-likely-to-make-you-a-revered-genius-after-you-die side of English like creative writing. I was a LITERATURE major.
So basically I spent my college years TALKING about books and getting graded on my THOUGHTS. And if you've ever met an English professor, you know that the weirder the observation, the more genius they think you are. I spent most of my college education talking and writing papers about “the Other”. If you don't know what I mean by “the Other” – well, its probably because you had IMPORTANT things to think and write about in your college papers.
If you were in the Engineering school or a botany major or something else that actually required hard work, precise answers and coming to class prepared, I know what you're thinking: “Why wasn't I an English major?” You're also thinking “How the hell did she ever get a JOB?” And the reason I know what you are thinking regarding my college major is because my husband – an engineer himself – wonders this aloud regularly.
In any case, this is a long-winded way of me explaining that there is a reason why, when I have ten minutes to myself to evaluate my life, I try to find “themes”. I also try to find accompanying music to the events in my life in case they should be turned into a blockbuster summer movie. “Get Ur Freak On” would probably play along with the opening credits. Oh, and I would be played by Reese Witherspoon. But I digress.
I'd like to say the theme is “hard work” or “changes” or even “comic relief” but unfortunately what I keep coming back to is “apathy”. Yes, apathy. My very least favorite emotion/way of existing in the entire world. The characteristic that I loathe more than just about anything.
I'll take arrogance, negativity, jealousy and severe tourette's syndrome over apathy any day. In my opinion, there is little worse than simply 'not caring.' I like passion! I envy action! I even appreciate mania and 'Debbie Downerism'!
So apathy is a reigning theme right now. Apathy about eating. Apathy about weight loss. Apathy about my work outs. Apathy about blogging. I am still eating decently and losing well (over two pounds last week!) and going to my work outs and bitching to all my wonderful readers (aren't you lucky!), but I'm not all that excited, inspired or empowered by any of it.
I'm blaming the heat. And G.W. Bush.
The good news is that I have a fill scheduled for Friday. I'm hoping this will be just the kick in the pants I need. Because unlike many of the bandster bloggers I follow, my band is not playing a large role in my life right now and I WANT it to. I want to finally write that post about how much “I love my band!”
Right now I'm kind of like “Eh, I have a Lap Band. So what?” I want to be more like “Woo hoo! This Lap Band was the best thing I ever did! I'm going to Disney World!”
I want my theme to become “proactivity” (not a real word but using it will get you an 'A' on a Feminist Literary Theory paper!).
In the meantime I'll keep chugging along. Eating my protein first, drinking my water, changing diapers, dreaming of George Clooney. But none of it will be done with the gusto those actions deserve. Especially the dreaming of George Clooney bit. And that is just SAD.
p.s. I graduated from college cum laude. And yes, I hear you snickering.