The Price You Pay For A Vacation

Posted by Sherry , Wednesday, October 13, 2010 Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Normally, relaxation comes at a price.

In my neck of the woods a pedicure is $35, a evening of cocktails with the girls is $50 and a Swedish massage is $70 (“happy endings” are extra – unless you have a gift certificate).

And six days on a Caribbean island, my 2-year old in the safe, albeit cookie-filled hands of her grandparents wasn't cheap either. We paid off the vacation monetarily but I'm paying a much higher price via sugar withdrawal induced tantrums, 6 a.m. wake-up calls and acoustic bombardment torture in the form of an alien life form known simply as “The Wiggles”.

Seriously, if they'd wanted to get Noriega out a few days sooner, than they should have played Captain Feathersword reciting the Declaration of Independence over and over again instead of the Howard Stern show: “Ahoy there me hearties! We hold these here truths to be self evident. Oooh hoo!”

Side bar: Did you know that the U.S. Military has used NEIL DIAMOND to torture prisoners at Guantanamo Bay? NEIL DIAMOND?! Who doesn't like “Sweet Caroline”?! That's like saying you feel “tortured” by having to watch puppies and kittens playing with a ball of yarn. No wonder they aren't getting any information out of those guys about where the heck Osama Bin Laden is hiding. Great. I now have to wonder if 'waterboarding' is actually just a day in a jacuzzi.

All these minor annoyances aside, vacation was wonderful. Lots of sleeping, lots of swimming, lots of reading, lots of drinks made with two shots of liquor and names like “Sandals Sunset”, “Orange Bliss”, “No Pressure” and “Knock You On Your Ass So Hard You Have To Take Two Naps In One Day.” I think that last one has tequila in it... and vodka...and rum...and Vicodin.

One thing there was NOT lots of, however, was eating. Our resort was an 'all inclusive' which, translated, means “fat people like it here”. Buffets abound at Sandals' resorts. And when the buffets are closed? No pressure, no problem my brotha! A burger and fries from the seaside bar awaits you!

In the past, just being near all this food, all the time, would have made me eat. I could have finished off lunch and still been signaling my cabana boy to bring me a large order of onion rings with an ice cream sundae on the side.

It was strange being constantly surrounded by food and yet NOT EATING. What was strangely familiar however, was being surrounded by fruity drinks and using the phrase “Sure, I'll have another! Put whipped cream in it this time!” So all in all, balance was achieved.

All this said, pina coladas and strawberry daquiris are sliders so even though I stayed the course with eating, I came home two pounds up due to the alcohol imbibing. Lucky for me Sandals does not have an all-you-can-eat-soft-serve-ice-cream-bar (although I complained loudly to several different resort employees about not being able to 'get my ice cream on') or it would be worse.

But here I am, 4 days post-vacation and those two pounds have disappeared so once again, I'm most thankful to my Lap Band.

Husband and I went on vacation but thank jeebus Leona doesn't take holidays. I hired that bitch to be a workaholic and as expected, she's exceeding expectations.

In a cabana right before my second drink of the day

After my second drink of the day

22 Response to "The Price You Pay For A Vacation"

Amy W. Says:

This post was hilarious!

Amanda Kiska Says:

Fruit salad, yummy yummy! If you don't know what I'm talking about, keep watching The Wiggles and you will!

Your vacate sounds HEAVENLY!

LDswims Says:

Such a cute post! Sounds like a wonderful time!!

Love Sandals. We went to a Sandals for our honeymoon and can't wait to get back!

Camille Says:

Everyone knows fruit salad, yummy yummy. I'm dying of laughter. Thanks!

Linda Says:

Sounds like fun - drinks over food anytime.
I HATE the Wiggles - somehow we avoided them when my girl was really little, but I still know the F'n Hot Potato song.

Barbara Says:

This was just a great post.. I was right there with you envisioning the sipping of that "need two naps to sleep it off" drink.. I say the managing the sugar withdrawal tot was well worth the R&R you got out of it.. and the best part those two pounds.. GONE!.. nice job and nice post

Theresa Says:

You kill me! Sounds like heaven, glad you had fun...and you look marvelous!

Darlin1 Says:

Loved your post Sherry!

Good job Leona!

Amanda Says:

I seriously LOL'd! I think your cabana looks like heaven!

Libby Says:

Great post! It looks like you had a lovely time. Glad to know one can go to an "all inclusive" with the band and not feel tortured.

Nella Says:

Love the pics! Looooookin good!

Nicole Says:

Your vacation looked very relaxing!! What sandals did you go too?

Kristen Says:

*LOVED* Sandals- we went to ocho rios 2 years ago (pre-band) BAD NEWS eating wise- I gained 8lbs on that trip lol. Sounds like you had an amazing time, congrats on losing the 2lbs so quickly!

Marie Says:

What is it with drinking and the band!! I'm also ready to sleep after drink number two!!! LOL!

Jacquie Says:

You look great Sherry! We are going to Sandals on Emerald Bay in the Bahamas in November for a week. I hope I am able to avoid the food!

Kristin Says:

Hysterical. AND you look great.

Dinnerland Says:

You look great! LOVE Sandals-- we have been to Negril (for our honeymoon,) Ochos Rios, and Turks and Caicos!!
Planning a trip back to T+C this winter.

Gen Says:

OMG I need a vacay like that. Kid-free, drink and sleep-filled. Congrats on the quick 2 lb loss and you look great!

InWeighOverMyHead Says:

Sounds so fun! you look GREAT!

- Lisa

Annie Says:

Great post- and you look so skinny!!!!! Glad you had fun, and that the two pounds are gone.

Catherine55 Says:

Great post!! It sounded like a fantastic trip, and you look wonderful!!

Jess Says:

Ah...sounds like heaven.

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