Posted by Sherry , Tuesday, May 11, 2010 Tuesday, May 11, 2010
He is REALLY pushing me to my limit. Its like he doesn't even care how much he hurts me!
I have his undivided attention for about 30 minutes at a time but during that time he isn't really listening to me, just giving me orders or acting like what I say doesn't matter.
And when I really feel like I can't take anymore, he bats his long lashes at me and expects me to just bend over and do whatever he asks. And because I'm weak, and never feel like I know what I'm doing anyway, I just do it.
Today he made me do things that I felt stupid doing. Things that, if you were just kind of glancing at us, would look dirty and WRONG. But I do them, and I keep coming back for more. Its almost shameful.
Somewhere in me, I know that all of this will resolve itself. I'll get stronger, more confident and not feel so pushed to my limits. I won't cry or ache. I'll walk away from him feeling powerful instead of just feeling like I was hit by a mack truck. A mack truck full of cement.
Its all just a matter of time, I suppose. In the meantime, I'll take whatever he dishes out. I'll lap it up. I'll push through.
After all, he knows what's best. He's my trainer.