Universe? Please Stop Making Me Cry.

Posted by Sherry , Thursday, May 20, 2010 Thursday, May 20, 2010

I'm feeling really frustrated. I don't even think I can be interesting or creative with this post because I'm so consumed by frustration. I'm in Frustrationville and on my way to Pathetictown.

Went in for another fill today. Was given .75cc. That means I'm up to 2.75 cc in a 10cc band. And guess what? I feel NOTHING. It's as if I have no band in me whatsoever. I may as well sit down at the Heifer Corral and stuff my face full of $2.99 ribeye with a side of fatness. And cornbread.

I NEED RESTRICTION. Hear that universe? I NEED RESTRICTION.

Leona is failing me miserably. I'm cursing the ground she sits under and her little-millionaire-dog too.

I'm lucky if I lose 1 pound a week! WTF?!

The kicker? I'm working my flat, bumpy ASS OFF. I am boot-camping it Demi Moore style with my trainer. I'm walking like a fiend (think 45 minutes a day) and while I'm probably not the poster child for eating band friendly, I'm doing all the 'right' things. Protein first, not drinking with meals, taking my vitamins. But I AM HUNGRY. I can't seem to get enough food in me. A cup of food at a meal? That's a cruel joke right now. Try twice that amount and still walking away from the table hungry.

I feel like a split personality. Oliver on one side: “Please sir? May I have some more? Sherry's willpower on the other: “More?! You want MORE?! Ehh, fine. Go ahead.”

The ironic thing is that I am STILL eating eons less than I was pre-band. But again, it is all personal willpower. And those last little threads of willpower are starting to shred and taper faster than my split ends.

Why isn't this working for me? I'm starting to spiral into crazy-town. I'm thinking that I indeed am the one person on the planet for whom the band does not work, even when the user is working it.

And ONE STINKING POUND A WEEK?! Seriously, has anyone else done worse than this for being 9 weeks post-surgery? I doubt it. I have come to accept that I am a “slow loser” but this is ridiculous. I mean, what else can I do? Really? I am at a loss.

I read blogs where bandsters are munching on cookies and candy bars. Where they don't even look at a gym, much less go to one, and yet they are losing 2 pounds a week and feel like its 'not enough'.

Re-reading this post I see I have begun the metamorphosis from 'frustrated' and 'pitiful' to 'angry' and 'insane'. And frankly, I don't even want to reel it in! I want to kick someone's ass! Harder than I'm kicking my own!

Ugh. I feel like crying. I seriously feel like crying.

15 Response to "Universe? Please Stop Making Me Cry."

Gilly Says:

Ok...I came out of surgery with 4cc in my band. And trust me...that was nothing! I'm at around 6.3 now, and still not feeling overly restricted. I can do my one cup...but I could certainly (and sometimes do) have more. Why are they being so stingy with the fills?

Wait 2 weeks and go in and tell them that you want a decent fill. I've read one or 2 blogs where they fill the band entirely, to show what real restriction is like, and then take out some, until the liquid they tried to swallow goes down. See if they'll do that. But tell them to stop screwing you around. Effers!

Stephanie Says:

You were banded about a month after me and I understand COMPLETELY where you were. I didn't get restriction and hit my sweet spot untillast Monday. Prior to that I was busting my ass and I was very down because it seemed like I was working super hard for nothing. Yet., my clothes were loser and I started to realize that I was not defined entirely by the scale. Yes, it sucks not to have the restriction, but you will get there and you are learning how to live like a bandster with full restriction. Yes, willpower sucks. I felt like the mayor of suckytown. it was frustrating, but t will get better!!

Joey Says:

Aw pumpkin breath,
I'm sure once you get to restriction you'll write a "Hallelujah" post. I just got there a few days ago and it feels like a world of difference! I agree they are being conservative. After fill # 2 I had 6cc's in my 10cc band. After my 3rd and most recent fill I have 7cc's and I'm feeling good with restriction. It will turn around, I promise. Until then you may kick my ass as hard as you please...maybe it will give it a more perky shape.
Sloppy Kiss,
j

Amy W. Says:

Oh roomie...you probably dont want to hear this at all...but I found that when I first started working out really good...the weight loss kinda slowed down...for about 6 weeks. DO NOT GIVE up and go crazy. Hold steady.

I know it is slower than you want. And this time it will be different than WW bc you are going to keep it off, even if its taken a little while to come off.

Linda Says:

I remember that feeling. It took me forever and like 121 fills to get restriction. I was losing during that time, but it all me. It also seemed like everyone banded was feeling restriction and getting stick while I could eat loaves of bread.
It's OK to complain - be as aggressive as you can getting your fills. I'll echo Joey saying it does get better.

Gen Says:

This is total B.S. You will never get any kind of restriction until you reach 4-6 ccs. WTF? Why are they torturing you like this???? Do not feel bad. 2.75 ccs or whatever is the same as zero. I am at 7.6 ccs I think...but by 8 weeks post-op I was already up to 6 ccs!

MORE FILL ASAP! What do you have to do to get more?

Sorry Sherry, whatever you do DO NOT blame yourself!!!

workinprogress Says:

You really need to go back to the doctor. I had the same problem. Mine thought that because I was losing weight that the band was doing it's job. It wasn't. I was surviving on will-power (which obviously I have in short supply - THAT'S WHY I GOT THE BAND!!).

Time to get assertive with your doctor.

Good luck :-)

Fiona Says:

I know just how you feel. I got my first fill 3cc's 4 weeks ago and have lost nothing since! I feel your frustration. I am going to contact the Dr on Monday. I am sticking to less than 1000cals and exercising at least 3 times a week Grrrrr. I agree with everyone above you need a fill. Good luck and keep the faith.

THE DASH! Says:

Seems everyone feels your frustration, Sherry, myself included. But you know what - a pound a week is what I lost. Truthfully. Averaged out I lost a little pound a week but in the end it adds up. And thats what you want in the end - it will help you keep the weight off going slowly blah blah and yeah, I know you've heard this before, but it is true, darl. Hang in there!!!

Yana Says:

You don't have any restriction, so you are doing it all yourself. AND you are losing!!! That's amazing! Good on you. It's bandster hell, when you realize you went through all that pre-op and let someone cut you up but it's not doing anything for you...well, it will change, I promise! The band will start pulling it's weight. But your dr is being SUPER slow! I got 2 cc's during surgery, and then 2 on the first fill and 3 on the second fill...and now I am going back every few weeks for tweeks, .3 here, .25 there...and I am still a relatively slow loser...but it's been 5 months and I am 50+ lbs down.

On the other hand, many bandsters gain after surgery before restriction. My doc said only 25 percent lose, 50 stay the same, and 25 gain...so be glad you are losing something!

And you are building healthy habits! Don't you feel better hauling ass around? ;)

Jenny Says:

I know that 1 pound feels like "ugh 1 lb" but 1-2lbs is a healthy loss. I know that doesn't help. Have you really expressed how you feel to your doctor? You are doing a great job, try to take it one day at a time. (((hugs)))

Nella Says:

FILL, FILL, FILL, FILL, FILL!
One a week is great...slow and steady baby!

Bonnie Says:

I can totally understand why you are so frustrated. But all your hard work has got to kick in sooner or later.

Cindylew Says:

I'm just commenting to say hang in there...real original, I know. You were banded a month before I so I'm in no position to offer advice...my first fill is still a couple weeks away.
I just wanted to offer my support...listen to all of these lovely and smart ladies...they'll get you through and then you can help get the newer newbies through.

The Shrinking Rini Says:

I know EXACTLY how you feel! I too was getting really frustrated. I'm making good food decisions, working out with a personal trainer and still was BARELY losing a pound per week. I am 15 months post op and just recently got enough of a fill for restriction.

Every doctor is different. My doctor is very conservative when it comes to fills. It's been frustrating along the way, but in hindsight, I'm glad this has been a longer and harder process for me than for others. I've had to work really hard and work on my demons more so than banders that are filled up tight right from the beginning. I just had 0.75 of a cc, putting me up to a whopping 5.75 ccs. Don't get down on yourself. Be proud of what you are doing ON YOUR OWN.

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