Posted by Sherry , Thursday, May 20, 2010 Thursday, May 20, 2010
I'm feeling really frustrated. I don't even think I can be interesting or creative with this post because I'm so consumed by frustration. I'm in Frustrationville and on my way to Pathetictown.
Went in for another fill today. Was given .75cc. That means I'm up to 2.75 cc in a 10cc band. And guess what? I feel NOTHING. It's as if I have no band in me whatsoever. I may as well sit down at the Heifer Corral and stuff my face full of $2.99 ribeye with a side of fatness. And cornbread.
I NEED RESTRICTION. Hear that universe? I NEED RESTRICTION.
Leona is failing me miserably. I'm cursing the ground she sits under and her little-millionaire-dog too.
I'm lucky if I lose 1 pound a week! WTF?!
The kicker? I'm working my flat, bumpy ASS OFF. I am boot-camping it Demi Moore style with my trainer. I'm walking like a fiend (think 45 minutes a day) and while I'm probably not the poster child for eating band friendly, I'm doing all the 'right' things. Protein first, not drinking with meals, taking my vitamins. But I AM HUNGRY. I can't seem to get enough food in me. A cup of food at a meal? That's a cruel joke right now. Try twice that amount and still walking away from the table hungry.
I feel like a split personality. Oliver on one side: “Please sir? May I have some more? Sherry's willpower on the other: “More?! You want MORE?! Ehh, fine. Go ahead.”
The ironic thing is that I am STILL eating eons less than I was pre-band. But again, it is all personal willpower. And those last little threads of willpower are starting to shred and taper faster than my split ends.
Why isn't this working for me? I'm starting to spiral into crazy-town. I'm thinking that I indeed am the one person on the planet for whom the band does not work, even when the user is working it.
And ONE STINKING POUND A WEEK?! Seriously, has anyone else done worse than this for being 9 weeks post-surgery? I doubt it. I have come to accept that I am a “slow loser” but this is ridiculous. I mean, what else can I do? Really? I am at a loss.
I read blogs where bandsters are munching on cookies and candy bars. Where they don't even look at a gym, much less go to one, and yet they are losing 2 pounds a week and feel like its 'not enough'.
Re-reading this post I see I have begun the metamorphosis from 'frustrated' and 'pitiful' to 'angry' and 'insane'. And frankly, I don't even want to reel it in! I want to kick someone's ass! Harder than I'm kicking my own!
Ugh. I feel like crying. I seriously feel like crying.