I need a Head-Band
Posted by Sherry , Tuesday, April 6, 2010 Tuesday, April 06, 2010
I am on scale hiatus. I have made a commitment to myself to not weigh until Thursday. Granted, that is only 48 hours away, but I figure that both I and my scale need a short break from each other. Me, to gain some perspective and not spend the bulk of my days depressed, and for my scale, an opportunity to get its shit together and start learning who's boss. If you aren't sure, the boss is ME.
Thank you all for your comments on my pity party yesterday. I do feel better after reading and am trying to stay rational. Trust me, staying rational ALL DAY LONG is a GIANT obstacle for me.
However, should I discover that in fact, I WAS RIGHT, and I AM part of a giant band placebo study conspiracy and sausage gravy IS in fact being output by my port into my body, I shall say a giant I TOLD YOU SO.
Last night was my very first meal outside the home since a week pre-band and I have conflicting emotions. Even though I'm still on mushies and had originally thought I would stick to home eating only until I was given the go-ahead for solid foods, last night was Mommies Night Out with some friends and only a meteor shattering the Earth's surface will keep me away from that.
Thank you all for your comments on my pity party yesterday. I do feel better after reading and am trying to stay rational. Trust me, staying rational ALL DAY LONG is a GIANT obstacle for me.
However, should I discover that in fact, I WAS RIGHT, and I AM part of a giant band placebo study conspiracy and sausage gravy IS in fact being output by my port into my body, I shall say a giant I TOLD YOU SO.
Last night was my very first meal outside the home since a week pre-band and I have conflicting emotions. Even though I'm still on mushies and had originally thought I would stick to home eating only until I was given the go-ahead for solid foods, last night was Mommies Night Out with some friends and only a meteor shattering the Earth's surface will keep me away from that.
The restaurant was an Italian one and my options were limited at best, but I think I did well in spite of that. I ordered a cup of soup and an appetizer but wasn't able to even come close to finishing any of it.
I had one glass of white wine, about a ¼ cup of creamy polenta that had sauteed mushrooms on top of it (I only had 3 or 4 small shrooms) and about a ¼ cup of creamy tomato soup. I also ate a few small bites (think pencil eraser size) of a piece of foccacia bread (giant no-no, I know) and surprisingly it all went down fine.
Although I supposedly have no restriction, that small amount of food totally filled me up. I could not eat another bite.
So technically, the eating out experience went very well. But emotionally it was another story. I cannot lie and say that I didn't look longingly at Mommy Beth's Stromboli. I cannot say I didn't want to sneak a shrimp off of Mommy Dawn's Penne. And Mommy Kate is lucky I did not reach across the table and bitch slap her for her Fettuccine Alfredo.
Its not like I was even HUNGRY for that stuff. I just felt a longing. A mourning of sorts. Realizing that eating out will have to become an entirely different experience for me and that its going to take time before I am totally on board and happy with this life altering decision I've made.
There wasn't an ounce of reluctance as I was being wheeled into the O.R., about to go under a knife but when I realize that sneaking a piece of cheese off my daughter's lunch plate is not do-able I get all sorts of doubts as to whether I've done the right thing. Ironic, isn't it?
Maybe when my scale decides to start cooperating I'll feel differently. Until then I'm realizing, once again, that this Band is not around my head, its around my stomach and the two really need to start listening to one another.
this whole having a band thing...i think it is harder than i anticipated it would be...today my official weigh in day showed me UP a pound from last week! i was pissed (at myself) when i saw it, but then i thought about all the work i've been putting in at the gym and i felt ok. then i felt GREAT when i put on a pair of size 24 jeans and they were too big! my point is that even though the scale sometimes doesn't move or even takes a a step in the wrong direction it doesn't necessarily mean that we can't find successes in other places! :-)