I need a Head-Band

Posted by Sherry , Tuesday, April 6, 2010 Tuesday, April 06, 2010

I am on scale hiatus. I have made a commitment to myself to not weigh until Thursday. Granted, that is only 48 hours away, but I figure that both I and my scale need a short break from each other. Me, to gain some perspective and not spend the bulk of my days depressed, and for my scale, an opportunity to get its shit together and start learning who's boss. If you aren't sure, the boss is ME.

Thank you all for your comments on my pity party yesterday. I do feel better after reading and am trying to stay rational. Trust me, staying rational ALL DAY LONG is a GIANT obstacle for me.

However, should I discover that in fact, I WAS RIGHT, and I AM part of a giant band placebo study conspiracy and sausage gravy IS in fact being output by my port into my body, I shall say a giant I TOLD YOU SO.

Last night was my very first meal outside the home since a week pre-band and I have conflicting emotions. Even though I'm still on mushies and had originally thought I would stick to home eating only until I was given the go-ahead for solid foods, last night was Mommies Night Out with some friends and only a meteor shattering the Earth's surface will keep me away from that.

The restaurant was an Italian one and my options were limited at best, but I think I did well in spite of that. I ordered a cup of soup and an appetizer but wasn't able to even come close to finishing any of it.

I had one glass of white wine, about a ¼ cup of creamy polenta that had sauteed mushrooms on top of it (I only had 3 or 4 small shrooms) and about a ¼ cup of creamy tomato soup. I also ate a few small bites (think pencil eraser size) of a piece of foccacia bread (giant no-no, I know) and surprisingly it all went down fine.

Although I supposedly have no restriction, that small amount of food totally filled me up. I could not eat another bite.

So technically, the eating out experience went very well. But emotionally it was another story. I cannot lie and say that I didn't look longingly at Mommy Beth's Stromboli. I cannot say I didn't want to sneak a shrimp off of Mommy Dawn's Penne. And Mommy Kate is lucky I did not reach across the table and bitch slap her for her Fettuccine Alfredo.

Its not like I was even HUNGRY for that stuff. I just felt a longing. A mourning of sorts. Realizing that eating out will have to become an entirely different experience for me and that its going to take time before I am totally on board and happy with this life altering decision I've made.

There wasn't an ounce of reluctance as I was being wheeled into the O.R., about to go under a knife but when I realize that sneaking a piece of cheese off my daughter's lunch plate is not do-able I get all sorts of doubts as to whether I've done the right thing. Ironic, isn't it?

Maybe when my scale decides to start cooperating I'll feel differently. Until then I'm realizing, once again, that this Band is not around my head, its around my stomach and the two really need to start listening to one another.

10 Response to "I need a Head-Band"

CC Says:

this whole having a band thing...i think it is harder than i anticipated it would be...today my official weigh in day showed me UP a pound from last week! i was pissed (at myself) when i saw it, but then i thought about all the work i've been putting in at the gym and i felt ok. then i felt GREAT when i put on a pair of size 24 jeans and they were too big! my point is that even though the scale sometimes doesn't move or even takes a a step in the wrong direction it doesn't necessarily mean that we can't find successes in other places! :-)

workinprogress Says:

I love reading your blog - you have such a great way of expressing yourself - and pretty much say exactly what I'm feeling!

Hang in there - you are in BANDSTER HELL!! When you are on solids and experiencing restriction life will get better :-)

In the meantime I think Mommy Kate should just count her blessings - lol!

Bonnie Says:

I find moving my scale out of sight helps me not weigh in as much. Sounds like you did great eating out and showed a lot of restraint by not bitch slapping anybody. Congrats!


Smart moving those scale out of range. Out of sight, out of mind and all that. I really hope you get a nice number when you next get on them. You do seem to be doing everything right although your in one of the toughest parts of the band journey.

Band-Babe Says:

I was surprised by how much I literally mourned over-eating right after my surgery. I'm super lucky because there isn't anything I can't eat... I can even do bread. And, once I was far enough out post-op, I do eat whatever I want... it's just all about portion control. Once the scale starts moving, that is really motivating. But, look at the big picture, because the scale also moves very s.l.o.w.l.y sometimes, and you've got to keep the faith, and remember you might not be doing anything "wrong"... it's just the way it goes. You're doing fabulously... congratulations!

Lap Band Groupie Says:

Mmmm, I still eat foccacia on occasion. Sherry, I'm 5'8.5" (surgeon rounds me to 5'8") so we both started out at a low BMI...You're going to lose slower than others, BUT you have much less to lose so you may arrive there at the same time at goal. Don't get discouraged by others numbers. Low BMI'ers usually do much better than the average figures for WL and most of us get to a Normal BMI, which isn't true of the entire LB community, so look at the positives!

Hope the scale was kind to you today, and if not, keep the big picture in mind!

Lap Band Groupie Says:

Oh, and keep working on the head hunger, the more you acknowlege it, the more you'll have control over it. It's always there and it does sometimes grab control back from me, but about the 4th month I noticed it was getting much less often.

Gen Says:

Great post Sherry, it is hard to change like this! But soon you will be like me, whining about being able to eat too much and not wanting to be a normal eater!

I am short - only 5'4" - but very sturdy - I have always had very muscular legs in particular. Annoying. I always weigh a lot- in the 160s I can wear an 8! So the BMI thing bites.

True what BG is saying about acknowledging the head hunger. That is a big deal. Its hard to believe, but the head hunger really does get way better the better your restriction is. I agree, around month 4-5 things really started to feel great as far as not obsessing about food anymore. When you get there, it is such an amazing sense of freedom!

Yana Says:

Also, don't forget that you will be able to taste all of those things you described - you might never hoover a ginormous portion of them, but you will be able to have satisfying portions of anyone when you have restriction. It works in as part of what you do - lots of good nutritious choices and occasional splurges - the way we were meant to eat, but someone hardwired us wrong!

Marie Says:

I love your post. I think staying away from the scale is a good idea. I've been tracking my calories online and I'm now averaging about 1300 a day. The question I have is once I have restriction will I be eating 800 calories a day on average? Is that a good idea? I thought you were supposed to stay around 1200 or so calories a day? So what is the difference between what we are eating now and what we will be eating on restriction? Hmmm? Just a question.
I also had a lower BMI to start and currently wear a size 10 pants at 199! Small hips and larger on top -- but if I get to my goal of 145 I'll probably be in a 4!

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