A Sucker is Born

Posted by Sherry , Thursday, April 29, 2010 Thursday, April 29, 2010

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to offend or stereotype any person or persons. In fact, if anything it is showing how much more evolved and brilliant referenced persons are, compared to me.

I've recently noticed that at the forefront of my little blogosphere is the subject of body hair. Its merits, issues, disappearance and taming are frequent subjects for which Lap-Band bloggers often wax poetic. However, I rarely contribute to this subject for the following reasons:

  • Although I keep my body hair appearance to the minimum, I do not hate, love, nor fear its presence and thus, I remain relatively indifferent about its existence.

  • Clearly there are some of you who are 'experts' in this fine area and I surely have much more knowledge to soak up FROM you than to impart TO you.

  • Having a toddler and a relatively full and active life, it REALLY is difficult for me to find the time to get into a salon and ask them to PLEASE inflict pain upon my most tender and sensitive areas.

  • Its hair. Its there. So what?

All that said, Momma has a mustache. And although it is not offensive to my husband or friends, and passersby do not necessarily assume I've been working in the coal mines, I fear that if I do not get in for my bi-monthly waxing, I will begin to resemble my father circa 1984. See Olan Mills photo below:


So yesterday God smiled upon me and the babysitter arrived early and I was granted with an ENTIRE 30 minutes to myself before I had to be at a doctor's appointment. THIRTY WHOLE MINUTES people!

I was starting to see an Armenian shadow above my lip and knew there was a walk-in right next door to the doctor's office. Its was serendipity.

Now, maybe some of you go to those fancy, schmancy salons with Zen rock garden waterfalls and muzak streaming from the airways. You have appointments scheduled with “aestheticians” named “Andrea” (pronounced AHUN-DRAY-UH) who are beauty-makers by day and pilates instructors by night.

But as I've mentioned, my time is precious and I've found that whether the lip wax is done for $7 by a Vietnamese salon owner or by a “skin cosmetologist” for $22, it all comes out the same. The hair is gone from my upper lip and I look like a 2nd grader who just finished a glass of cherry Kool-Aid.

So, yesterday, I walk in to “Lee's Nails” and am greeted sweetly by a gorgeous young Vietnamese woman who offers me a diet coke. Love that! Your fancy salons only offer crappy herbal tea. She asks what I need done today. I tell her “Just a lip wax!”

As I sign-in, gorgeous woman comes over to the table and says “Eye-bow wah too?”. Now, I don't have much time and frankly, just had the eyes done 2 weeks ago so I say “No thanks.” And then, well, she narrowed her perfectly groomed eyebrows at me and I knew what was coming.

See, EVERY time I go into one of my neighborhood salons to get 'just a lip wax' or 'just a pedicure' or 'just a happy-ending' I am told I need an “eye-bow wah”. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Sometimes, I've just had the brows done three days ago. Sometimes 4 weeks. A few times I've gone a whole season without domesticating the eye caterpillars. So you see, I never really know. Are my eyebrows offending them? Are they so untamed I need Sigfried and Roy to come in and work their Vegas magic? Or are they just trying to get more money out of me? I just don't know!
But this time, I KNEW my eyebrows were FINE. I had them coifed less than 2 weeks ago at another salon and I was determined to get out of this place with JUST my lip wax.

I'm taken into the 'waxing room' by another beautiful woman who coaxes me onto the table, looks me up and down and says “Eye-bow wah today?”

Me: No thanks. Just had them done.

Lady Holding Hot Wax: Oh. But eye-bow only take few more min.

Me: No, just the lip today. I really don't have the time.

Lady Dipping Stick Into Hot Wax: You NEE eye-bow wah!

Me: I'll come in tomorrow (lie) when I have more time and get the eyebrows done.

Lady Twirling Strings Of Hot Wax Around Stick About to Come At My Face: Ok. You come in. Tomorrow. Eye-bow too thick.

Me: Ok, sounds good. See you tomorrow then!

Cut to me, 10 minutes later, walking out of the salon looking like a 2nd grader who both drank the cherry Kool-Aid and put it in her eyebrow region. How do they do it?!

But this entire transaction got me to thinking about my weight loss...

No. Actually it didn't. I just wanted to tell this story and ask if anyone else has this happen to them.

Am I the only one who gets pushed into an eyebrow wax every time she enters a salon?! I really think these ladies are in the wrong business. They should be selling cars. Or life insurance. “Ok, go ahead and get the cheap, 10 cents a month plan, but you may die tomorrow and your family may have to pull apart the two-ply toilet paper to make it last longer and your husband will have to hock your wedding ring to pay the mortgage.”

“Also...you REALLY need an eyebrow wax.”


Lap-Band News – Ate nothing but crap yesterday (which went down so smoothly!) but not in very large quantities. I would like to say its due to restriction but I honestly think I am subsisting on willpower right now.

So I need advice, if I only lose a pound this week and stay at losing about a pound a week but am definitely eating more than a cup of food three times per day, should I get a fill? Should I wait until my willpower runs out to get a fill? I feel kind of like I'm dieting. The only thing keeping me from eating more is me.

Keep in mind I'm only 6 weeks post-op. I'm afraid the P.A. Is going to look at my weight loss and say I don't need a fill since he stressed the ZERO in his '0 – 2 pound a week' expectation, but again, I think it is willpower helping me lose the weight, not the band.

I'm eating quite a bit more than I should be able to at this point and can't help but wonder if I had a cc or two in my band if I'd be losing more rapidly. What would you do?


20 Response to "A Sucker is Born"

Nella Says:

I am with you on the fill debate! I have lost a total of 6 since my last one and I go for one on Wednesday! I am definitely more hunger and its me stopping myself! I would think just a little tweak!

Alexis Says:

Hahaha! I get suckered into the EVERY time too! I go to a place like that and always walk out with an eyebrow wax (no wonder I have tiny little eyebrows that hardly grow in anymore!). I loved that story.

Have you had a first fill yet? I can't remember. I didn't even get my first fill until about 7 weeks post op and didn't really get some decent restriction until about my 5th or so fill, however, I think I am a total exception cause a lot of people get good restriction well before then.

I felt the same way you did just after surgery and up until about 3-4 months after surgery. I felt like it was me doing all the work and that I didn't have a tool at all to help me. Unfortunately, at first, I think that is the way it is. Once you get some good restriction going on, the tool really kicks in and helps out a bit, but the big part of the journey is re-wiring our brains and us having to a lot of the major lifting in this.

You will get to a point where you know you are at good restriction. Trust me. Call your doctor's office, get their advice as well.

Jenny Says:

OMG, this was so freaking funny!!!!

On the Band, I had this issue now. I'm one month post surgery and I wasn't sure if I needed one or not. Felt exactly like you, I was working too hard on not eating. I told my dr. and he gave me the fill, but it was a small one. I have just over 2cc's of fluid in my band. Sometimes that little bit will help a lot.

Gilly Says:

With regards to the fill, where I go, whether you're losing or not, they want to know if you're getting stuck, how much you feel like you could eat (even though, of course, you are only eating one cup of food at a time!) and how long you can go between meals of protein without feeling famished. For me, it's about 3 hours right now, and I have never EVER been stuck, and I know that I need a fill big time!

I am eyebrow obsessed! My friends hate me because if they are late on their wax, I can't look at their eyes...only their eyebrows! I can't help it! I've tried!! I'm the same with roots! I am a horrible person...you do NOT want to get to know me!

Kristin Says:

Re the fill: the PA's assertion that ZERO to two pounds a week is bullshit, sorry. You didn't get a band to lose zero pounds per week. Don't get me wrong, there have been weeks that I didn't lose, but that was when I needed a fill. I think a cup or more of food at every meal means you could probably use at least a tweak.

Re the wax: Those ladies are the queens of upselling. Sometimes it's just easier to let them do it and be on your way, and they know that. ;)

Joey Says:

This worries me too. I feel I need another fill. I have a little restriction, but I can eat over a cup of food, no prob. I have been losing weight, but it's all me. And I don't want the PA to base her decision on my weight loss alone. You gotta be insistent, just like the high pressure waxers.

Stephanie Says:

Great...now I feel like I need to go get my eyebrows waxed. It's been too long and now I'm paranoid that I look like Bert from Sesame Street.

Amy Says:

Get a fill. When I've asked this question, most of the very wise bloggers have told me that if you are at restriction, this should not feel like a diet nor like you are pushing your willpower to its limit. I think it was Gen who posted an article from a surgeon that said the goal of lapband is to see how little you can eat and still feel satisfied. If you are not satisfied, then I say your band is not at its prime yet!

Oh, and I am with you on hair. Meh, it's hair. I'm not gross or anything, just not completely hairless! Since I'm blonde, I guess I am lucky!

Sandy Lee Says:

This was too funny. Here's how it went: smiling because of the NEE eye-bow wah (could even imagine the accent), start to suppress a laugh but couldn't (I work in a cubicle farm and everyone is soooo quiet). Some strangled giggle escapes which I tried to hide with a small cough which irritated my throat and made me take a sip of water. And I was still reading so now I inhaled some water and am now choking and I can feel my bladder ready to let loose so hop on over to the bathroom. Geez, it took forever for me to get to the part where you wonder about a fill. So here's my answer. Go for a fill because you are not supposed to feel hungry and struggle if you are in your sweet spot. Now I'm afraid of my upcoming visit with Gilly because I will have to make sure I die my hair first and also I will NEE eye-bow wah!

Amy W. Says:

hahahahahahaha.

hahahahahahah.

That was perfectly written! For realz. Perfect. I laughed and felt like I was right there with you.

You know...I really thought weight loss would slow my facial hair growth down. My dermatologist told me that as fatties, we produce more of something which produces more hair. I dont mind the moustache bc it's more "acceptable" . I mean, I dont want one and remove it...but it's cool that ladies go and get their upper lips waxed. Its my CHIN HAIR that brings me shame! SHAME!

If you can eat solid protein, and more than 3-4 ounces, and it doesnt keep you full...get a fill!!! DOOOO IT!

Carmen Says:

ZERO to 2 lbs? like kristin said, i don't think any of us got the band to lose zero lbs a week lol that's crazy! i wish i had more advice to offer, but i think i'm still classified as a newbie :-) my non-fill fill appt yesterday was a surprise to me, i really think if i pushed the issue she would've given me a fill, but i think i'm ok!
regarding waxing....i've NEVER waxed anything i pluck the brows and use one of those face sandpaper thingys for the 'stache. and since i turned 35 i've noticed a few chin whiskers that i pluck. i wish i could use bleach or nair etc but my skin is way to sensitive! which is 1 reason why i don' want to wax :-)

workinprogress Says:

Loved the story and love the way you write :-)

As far as the fill goes - I wish I knew the answer. My doctor is really conservative. Because I had lost an average of 1 pound a week and had some stuck episodes he wouldn't give me one.

Let us know what you decide :-)

amandakiska Says:

This is a great post! So funny! Next time just wear your sunglasses the whole time. Those ladies must get paid on commission or something.

Camille Says:

I felt EXACTLY the same way. I got a small fill (1 cc) and can't really feel anything different. I learned to say "Leave me alone about my f-in eyebrows!" in Vietnamese and Korean. Very helpful.

Drazil Says:

Oh have you had your eyebrows threaded yet? Super cool except that they too want to do your whole damn face. They act like I look like Godzilla when I walk in there or something. Too funny. Thanks for the laugh.

Southern Belle Says:

I would definately do the protein challenge...eat 4 ozs of solid protein and it should keep you full for 4 hours, if not you are not at optimum restriction and need a fill...those ladies in the pedicure place scare me with their wax, I drive across town to get my eyebrows done...by the way if I come visit can we meet at Edible Art, I have been dreaming of their cakes..

Steph Says:

Oh my goodness, this is hilarious! I may have pee'd a little.

I am a hairy girl, you know, in the chin region and stuff, and you'd have to pry my Epilady from my cold, dead fingers. The only reason thing I get waxed anymore are my "eye-bows". Puts that discussion to bed.

Cindylew Says:

Great post...as usual.
I've yet to have a fill as I just got banded on Monday but from what I know about what the band is supposed to accomplish...I say if your doc is willing to give you a fill and right now you're not feeling adequate restriction...get the Fill...end of debate.

tessierose Says:

Girl you had me rolling! How did I miss this yesterday? I so needed this belly laugh yesterday. You have to see the Nail Salon stand up of Angel Johnson on You Tube, if you haven't already. Those women are talented!

Fiona Says:

Ha Ha you are too funny, sorry no advice, still laughing x

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