Posted by Sherry , Monday, April 5, 2010 Monday, April 05, 2010
I'm unhappy. My brain keeps going over all the comments you guys have left me and what the P.A. told me at my last appointment but sad, paranoid Sherry keeps reappearing.
See my evil scale hasn't budged since Thursday. Not an ounce. Not an iota. It flashes the same stupid number over and over again, reminding me that there is nothing I can do to get thinner. I even went out and bought ANOTHER scale – a good one – to ensure my scale was not broken. Nope. Same number.
I have been tracking every calorie and all my protein and have yet to have a day where I've eaten over 1000 calories. I'm getting a minimum of 60 grams of protein per day. I've not eaten this little since my starvation diet the 4 months before my wedding when I was surviving every day on one English muffin, a cup of grapes, some steamed broccoli and visions of being a fat bride.
I'm walking most days about 1.5 miles and chasing a VERY active toddler. Shouldn't the weight be FLYING off? Shouldn't I be getting on the scale every day saying “Adios SUCKA! Another pound down!”
Irrational, crazy-spiral Sherry has officially taken over my body and mind. I am feeling certain that I have gone through surgery and paid thousands of dollars to discover that I am the one person on the planet for whom the magical band does not work.
I am 100% sure that I have some rare metabolic disease that after 25 years of dieting has finally said “enough is enough” and decided to leave me to wallow in my fatness forever.
I spend hours – seriously, hours -- thinking that I must have been tricked into being in some placebo study and have no band inside but instead just a port that squirts out milkshake-like calories into my gut every 15 minutes, causing me to not lose weight. Next week it will likely start squirting nacho cheese and I will begin gaining back the measly 7 pounds I lost.
Thursday will be 3 weeks post-surgery and I am scared. I am scared that I will still be the same weight I am today. I am scared I will have gained.
And know what the worst part is? I am NOT EVEN HUNGRY. People keep telling me to wait until I have restriction. Well, what is the point? I am not eating much now. Its not like I'm stuffing my face with cheez-its and burgers! I'm eating turkey meatballs! Scrambled eggs! Avocado! Isopure sports drinks!
Woe is me. Woe is me. Thank you for coming to my pity party.