Posted by Sherry , Friday, April 23, 2010 Friday, April 23, 2010
The scale and I have called a truce and we are now BFFs again. We plan on a Friday night pillow fight and she's going to braid my hair! I deserve it. After all, I've lost 2.5 pounds this week. WOO HOO!!!
For those of you not glued to the earth-shattering excitement that is my weight loss ticker – that is 14 pounds total in less than 5 weeks. NOT TOO SHABBY.
I've come to the conclusion that my band is NOT in fact putting a steady drip line of bacon grease into my stomach but that she just needed some time to figure herself out.
She was feeling a little lost and confused. She had just finished college and moved back in with the rents'. And with a degree in English, well the jobs don't just fall right into her lap now, do they? If only mom would GET off her back about sending out resumes! Urgh! Oh wait, that was ME in 1999.
Notice my band is now a 'she' and not an 'it'. That is because SHE has been finally christened. Although Band and I have been attached at the gut for the last 4 weeks or so, I didn't really feel like I KNEW her until recently. So how could I give her a name?
Of course, we're still kind of in the 'newlywed' stage of our relationship and she NEVER puts her dirty towels in the hamper. But here is what I have learned:
She pretty much just hangs out all day long and only rears her head when food is involved – kinda like my husband. I mean, my DOG! Some days she's feeling loose and easy – like a college freshman at Mardi Gras. Some days she's feeling tense and cranky – like me before the in-laws visit.
I understand both sentiments. We all have good and bad days. But I am choosing to see Band for who she CAN be. I want to see her for her entire potential. I want to see her WORK FOR HER MONEY.
Thus, I would like to introduce you to my band, Leona Helmsley.
Much like her predecessor, I can only hope that my Leona Helmsley will be a demanding queen, insisting on subordinance.
I can only hope she will have a flamboyant personality, stringent with her likes and dislikes, whipping me into shape.
I also hope she says 'fuck' a lot and is a dog lover.
All in all, I know deep down that my Band will do what's best for me. After all, as Leona Helmsley's namesake, she's bound to be a tight, white, bitch.