For The Love Of...!

Posted by Sherry , Wednesday, June 2, 2010 Wednesday, June 02, 2010

***This is not a commercial for Verizon, Google, Motorola or any of the soon to be mentioned products. That said, if a representative from said companies want to give me free stuff, I will totally take it. Again, not a commercial***

It's fun to complain about our phones, isn't it? Pre-cell phone days I could get my complain-on about my home phone service like nobody's business. Sometimes? When I was in a bad mood? I would just call BellSouth or MCI or whomever provided my phone service and just bitch about how much my bill cost, how there was always this little humming on the line, how sometimes my phone would stop working for no reason and how in my opinion “you phone service jerks are barely a step above the CABLE COMPANY! And that is BAAAADDD.”

Then I'd hang up and bake a cake. That's why I got fat.

Then came cell phones. I was 22 when I got my first one. To those of you who don't remember life without cell phones and are incredulous that I was able to exist without being reachable 24 hours a day and are marveling that there was a time when the “Can you hear me now?” guy was not a recognizable face, I say, "Those days WERE GRAND". Also, I had to walk uphill BOTH WAYS to get to The Gap.

I bought my first cell phone from a telemarketer. As a salesperson myself I have a soft spot for a good sales pitch. I know you often wonder aloud who purchases things from telemarketers and moan about how they interrupt your dinner and how DARE they call YOUR home and didn't you sign up for the “Do Not Call” list? But I don't mind them. And if they are selling something useful like a toaster that seconds as a calculator or a set of Chinese encyclopedias, I'll buy it. Well, if its priced reasonably.

Hence, my first cell phone!. It was blue! It fit in my largest Nine West purse! It didn't charge me for ANY calls made between the hours of 10pm and 10:46pm! On Tuesdays. In March.

Since then, I've had my share of cell phones and spotty cell phone service. Up until recently, we had Sprint. Most people I know are relatively happy with Sprint. And, mostly, I was too! From 10pm – 10:46pm. On Tuesdays. In March.

The biggest issue I had was with a ½ mile stretch of road near my house where my calls would ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS drop. This stretch of 'no-call land' was on the main road that takes me to my house. The calls always drop right in front of the local middle school and I feel certain that the middle schoolers in my county have dirty little mouths because they have heard me cursing Sprint and its mother every day for the last 4.5 years.

Why in front of the middle school? Is it a front for some CIA operative? Are the JV Basketball cheerleaders a secret special ops force? Are pimply faced 12 year-olds diffusing bombs with their frog-carcas dissection tools? WHY???!!!

I've analyzed this time and again. Just ask Joanie the Sprint service representative who hears from me every afternoon during Ruby's nap-time.

Fast forward to January of this year. You'll see me, with a Verizon Droid. Its purple! It doesn't drop my calls! It fits in my back pocket! It brings me breakfast in bed! Does YOUR phone do that?

Now, fast forward to me in the Chicago O'Hare airport this weekend. Look into your crystal ball and you will see me running as fast as I can from the very end of Terminal 3 to the very end of Terminal 1 to catch the last plane to Raleigh for the night. And missing it. By 3 minutes. Because the plane decided to leave EARLY.

You'll see me screaming at the ticket agents and gnashing my teeth and crying too but pass right by those images and instead focus on my using my PHONE in ways I never imagined.

You'll see me using my PHONE to book a hotel for the night, find a shuttle to said hotel, set an alarm because clock in hotel room did not work, scour Web sites for alternate flights, get flight status updates, book a rental car when I realized I would have to fly to an alternate city further from home, call husband and cry, call mother and cry, call friends and cry, read your blogs, play “Word Up!” for a distraction from my boiling anger, update Facebook status reminding airlines I would like them to “suck it”, pull up rental car confirmation, update Facebook status telling airlines to also “bite me”, navigate my way home in rental car using GPS system, update Facebook to tell airlines to “kiss my fat ass” and finally, using my phone to call my husband and daughter to tell them I was 10 minutes from home.

While the airlines, airports, ticket agents, flight attendants and air traffic controllers were screwing me over royally and generally being bastards, my cell phone was pulling for me. It was there when no one else was. It was my travel agent, my connection to the outside world, my saving grace. Thank you Verizon. Thank you Google. Thank you Motorola. And thank you Sprint customer service representative “Joan” for finally suggesting I switch cell phone service providers.

I know, I know, you're wondering "Just how old ARE you Sherry?" and you're thinking I've just wasted your time waxing philosophical about a CELL PHONE.

Just wait until I post about how much I love my washing machine.

***The Verizon Droid with Google service can be purchased for the low low price of $199 plus S+H! Act now!!!*** KIDDING!!!

Band news:

I got a fill last week. It has helped but not fantastically. I had a fight with the P.A.s It wasn't pleasant. But they finally gave in and gave me 2ccs which puts me at 4.75 ccs in a 10 cc band. I'm feeling 'some' restriction but not a ton.

Frustrated because I have definitely been eating less and getting full more quickly. I've also been exercising like crazy and yet seem to have stalled on the scales. I'm blaming water retention for now since there was alcohol drinking, air travel, stress and not a lot of water drinking while I was away for the last 5 days. That said, if I don't see a budge this week, I'm going to be back in the doctor's office begging for another fill.

My original goal was to lose an additional 14 pounds between now and September but at this rate, its not looking hopeful. Kind of depressing.

13 Response to "For The Love Of...!"

Sandy Says:

That was so funny. I think the schools put out those cell phone blockers so the students don't use their phones. Sometimes a teacher buys one and switches it on and doesn't tell anyone. Glad you made it home with the phone still charged. Mine is usually dead. My first phone was plugged into the wall, was a party line and you used your fingers to dial. We couldn't talk for long in case an important person called. No one ever did.

Hope you get some restriction. I've been trying to move the scales too and may need another fill to get it moving. Hope so. They say it will happen. I just wish it would go faster. I wanted to be down 20 pounds by September. Now my goal is 10. Keep the faith.

Gilly Says:

That was an odyssey! Loved every word of it!

My brother is a Director at RIM (Research In Motion...aka: Blackberry) so you will always hear me pumping BB because they rock out with their cock out. I don't actually speak for the company, but I'm fairly certain that's a corporate

Theresa Says:

LMAO! You are such a gifted writer. I love it!
My first cell phone was bolted to the floor of my car, then I got a bag phone that weighed 50 pounds, but I could at least take it with me! We've come a long way.

Joey Says:

I hope you do get some free swag! You tickle my funny bone. You can do it in person in September.

Jacquie Says:

You always make me laugh Sherry...Thank you!

oneanonymousone Says:

As a former CSR at a large phone company here in Ontario, I can say that I adored this post. It brought up a lot of hilarious (er, painful) memories of irate customers yelling at me because their cellular phone service sucked. And really, back then (12 years ago), it did.

The Verizon Droid phone sounds pretty... if I ever get over my iPhone-itis I may take a look at one...

Cindylew Says:

Made me usual.
Thanks for the chuckle.
Sorry your restriction has been a disappointment. I had my first fill this afternoon and am interested in seeing how I feel once I'm back on solid foods.
I imagine yours is going to kick in all at's got to.

Bonnie Says:

I bet Joan is missing you. She probably never thought you'd break up. This post was HILARIOUS!

Gen Says:

LOL totally love this post. I have a Google phone, and I agree, it is SO useful, does so much more than just be a phone!

BTW your blog is so pretty!

Girl Bandit Says:

This post was awesome and I am never going to get on your bad side....I hope you got compensated for that hotel room etc.... I love my iphone by the way....

Amy Says:

I LOVE my Droid. More than my husband.

And I am addicted to Word Up! And Color Drip.

And I love you.

That is all.

TracyZ Says:

I don't know how it is possible that I hadn't found your blog until today but you are hilarious! I am one of the many Sprint customers that received a letter in the mail telling me that it was high time I found a new cell phone provider as they no longer wanted me as a customer because I called customer service too much. I called customer service too much because, like you, the service was shit and then the bill would come and be all wrong and it would take days talking to customer service reps to fix it every month. I don't know that I am ever allowed to be a Sprint customer again.

I am a lover of all things Verizon and have been holding out for when the iPhone makes its Verizon debut but you've made me think I should skip to the front of the line and get a Droid. Maybe it'll happen...

And is Word Up like Words with Friends on the iPhone? Like Scrabble?

Nicole Says:

you are hilarious! I have a crackberry , i thought about the droid!

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